Sorry this one's going up late. My web connection died last night.
Monday, April 28, 2008
Monday, April 21, 2008
Why boys have problems with smart girls Pt. 2
Complaint: Guys SAY they want a smart girl, but I’m smart and I’m alone!
Yeah. That’s because you’re not afraid to let people know how smart you are. I do this all the time without realizing that people don’t appreciate being reminded I’m the smartest person in the room. Hell, I don’t even know when I do it! But when my friends bring it up, and when I really think about it, I’ve come to see it’s completely true.
Being smart is one thing. Accidentally coming off as a pretentious bitch is another. I think this is a pretty big problem for fantastic girls who have trouble with their weight. We don’t find ourselves physically attractive, and we’ve learned over the years to compensate for this by proving our other good qualities. But what do these qualities tend to be? Intelligence and wit.
While great attributes to have, they can be a deadly combination when presented in excess. Assuming no one wants to LOOK at you makes you develop a crutch, and you lean heavily on having a strong personality and flaunting what you consider your best and defining attributes. You figure you’ll win people over with your charm and awesomeness if you can’t do it with your sexiness…. But you forget that other people want to be the smartest and most interesting, too.
Most guys want to be alpha male without competing with a girl for the title. But what if you don’t want an average guy?
Even a smart guy won’t be likely to gravitate towards a girl who shoves her intellect in his face. He wants someone smart who can teach him new things and who can learn things from HIM. He doesn’t want someone who comes off as a know-it-all. And let’s face it – neither do you. Would you want to be with a guy who is constantly trying to show how fantastic he is? Probably not. The proof should be gradual and consistent, not in your face at all moments.
It’s a terrible feeling to know that the one thing you thought would land you a guy is one of the things that keeps them away. A lot of girls with image issues want a guy to “take it or leave it” and that doesn’t help either. Sometimes you just need to reel yourself in and keep your mouth shut until people know you more. A lot of people tell me they’d take offense in the things I say if they didn’t know me better – so learn your audience and wait for the right time to open the dam and let all of your personality out.
Yeah. That’s because you’re not afraid to let people know how smart you are. I do this all the time without realizing that people don’t appreciate being reminded I’m the smartest person in the room. Hell, I don’t even know when I do it! But when my friends bring it up, and when I really think about it, I’ve come to see it’s completely true.
Being smart is one thing. Accidentally coming off as a pretentious bitch is another. I think this is a pretty big problem for fantastic girls who have trouble with their weight. We don’t find ourselves physically attractive, and we’ve learned over the years to compensate for this by proving our other good qualities. But what do these qualities tend to be? Intelligence and wit.
While great attributes to have, they can be a deadly combination when presented in excess. Assuming no one wants to LOOK at you makes you develop a crutch, and you lean heavily on having a strong personality and flaunting what you consider your best and defining attributes. You figure you’ll win people over with your charm and awesomeness if you can’t do it with your sexiness…. But you forget that other people want to be the smartest and most interesting, too.
Most guys want to be alpha male without competing with a girl for the title. But what if you don’t want an average guy?
Even a smart guy won’t be likely to gravitate towards a girl who shoves her intellect in his face. He wants someone smart who can teach him new things and who can learn things from HIM. He doesn’t want someone who comes off as a know-it-all. And let’s face it – neither do you. Would you want to be with a guy who is constantly trying to show how fantastic he is? Probably not. The proof should be gradual and consistent, not in your face at all moments.
It’s a terrible feeling to know that the one thing you thought would land you a guy is one of the things that keeps them away. A lot of girls with image issues want a guy to “take it or leave it” and that doesn’t help either. Sometimes you just need to reel yourself in and keep your mouth shut until people know you more. A lot of people tell me they’d take offense in the things I say if they didn’t know me better – so learn your audience and wait for the right time to open the dam and let all of your personality out.
Why boys have problems with smart girls Pt. 1
Forward
For: Dune. I had the hardest time writing this, so I had to record myself talking in the car and then transcribe what I said. Each part will have a different complaint. If you have other complaints, I’ll explain it in a new part of my theory.
Why boys have problems with smart girls Pt. 1
Many girls have expressed to me that boys are simply uninterested in them. These girls seem to lean towards the idea that they are fat, ugly, and undesirable. I don’t agree, and here’s why:
Complaint: I’ve never been in a relationship, so no one wants me.
Wrong. The leading cause of a lack of relationships is not undesirability, but the projected image of unavailability. Let’s face it: people cannot read minds. And when you’re secure in who you are you tend to act less desperate than others. Even when you ARE desperate you just don’t come off as such. Mostly because desperation is not something you want to be feeling, and you try to cover it up.
This has been concluded by observing all of the truly ugly and undesirable girls out there who have found someone and are either in relationships or gone so far as to get married. I’ve seen many plain girls with translucent skin and terrible, dull hair in a bowl cut who are orca fat and wear sweat pants and XXL t-shirts and they have rings on their chubby fingers. Normally I wouldn’t be so mean… the girls are nice enough. But they’re also stupid. These aren’t smart and fantastic girls in a bad circumstance. These are honestly stupid, downright boring girls. Sweet, but not the kind of person you could have an interesting conversation with. And they’re MARRIED.
Interestingly enough, they all meet a girl like me and tell me they need to keep their husbands away from me – because he’ll fall in love with me in a second and leave her. I often wonder how these girls find the men they’re with. I wouldn’t care if the guy was a chubby Star Wars addict who plays D&D in his basement – I just want a guy to want me. So where are these guys?
I don’t know. They’re probably in a comic book shop or meeting in a hobby shop to game on weekends. But they’ll adore you and boost your self-esteem. And if that’s what you currently need, go find them! Forget hot and suave and look for kind and sincere. Those boys may surprise you – but you’re not likely to find them in a bar after hours… at least not in the States.
For: Dune. I had the hardest time writing this, so I had to record myself talking in the car and then transcribe what I said. Each part will have a different complaint. If you have other complaints, I’ll explain it in a new part of my theory.
Why boys have problems with smart girls Pt. 1
Many girls have expressed to me that boys are simply uninterested in them. These girls seem to lean towards the idea that they are fat, ugly, and undesirable. I don’t agree, and here’s why:
Complaint: I’ve never been in a relationship, so no one wants me.
Wrong. The leading cause of a lack of relationships is not undesirability, but the projected image of unavailability. Let’s face it: people cannot read minds. And when you’re secure in who you are you tend to act less desperate than others. Even when you ARE desperate you just don’t come off as such. Mostly because desperation is not something you want to be feeling, and you try to cover it up.
This has been concluded by observing all of the truly ugly and undesirable girls out there who have found someone and are either in relationships or gone so far as to get married. I’ve seen many plain girls with translucent skin and terrible, dull hair in a bowl cut who are orca fat and wear sweat pants and XXL t-shirts and they have rings on their chubby fingers. Normally I wouldn’t be so mean… the girls are nice enough. But they’re also stupid. These aren’t smart and fantastic girls in a bad circumstance. These are honestly stupid, downright boring girls. Sweet, but not the kind of person you could have an interesting conversation with. And they’re MARRIED.
Interestingly enough, they all meet a girl like me and tell me they need to keep their husbands away from me – because he’ll fall in love with me in a second and leave her. I often wonder how these girls find the men they’re with. I wouldn’t care if the guy was a chubby Star Wars addict who plays D&D in his basement – I just want a guy to want me. So where are these guys?
I don’t know. They’re probably in a comic book shop or meeting in a hobby shop to game on weekends. But they’ll adore you and boost your self-esteem. And if that’s what you currently need, go find them! Forget hot and suave and look for kind and sincere. Those boys may surprise you – but you’re not likely to find them in a bar after hours… at least not in the States.
Sunday, April 20, 2008
Wednesday, April 16, 2008
Reflections
It's been a year.
It was early morning and I was at the car dealership waiting for the guys there who never listen to me to yet again fuck up my car, when I looked up at the television and saw the news: there were reports of a shooting in Blacksburg.
I immediately picked up my cell phone and called my best friend to tell her. She went to school fifteen minutes from there, and I wanted her to know something was going down. I had a bad feeling, and I wanted her indoors. She had no idea until I told her...
And within half an hour reports were streaming in: shooting spree at Virginia Tech. Heavy casualties. Swat teams. FBI. Terror. I'd never been so frightened. Tech was my school of choice. Tech is like extended family. Twenty five percent of my high school graduating class went to Tech. And I couldn't get in touch with my friends.
Childhood friends there, on that campus, in the Engineering school. Were they even alive?
It took two days to hear from people. Bizarrely, twenty five percent of the victims were from my home town. So was the shooter. I would unwittingly join three funeral precessions in the next two weeks, simply while driving to work. I would see three roadside memorials near the homes of the dead as I ran errands. I'd find out one of the nicest kids I knew had witnessed two of his friends shot and killed at point blank range right next to him.
Strangely, it feels more like a lifetime since that day. A year seems too short. And I'm still angry. I'm angry that it all had to happen. And I'm patiently waiting for the day I'm out with friends, in another state, in a bar maybe... and I'm waiting for some crass jackass to say something horrible and insensitive and inhuman about the shooting... so I can punch him as hard as I possibly can and spit in his face and let go some of the ghosts of that day.
And I wonder... if I wasn't even there and I have such strong feelings, I can't even imagine what people directly involved feel.
It was early morning and I was at the car dealership waiting for the guys there who never listen to me to yet again fuck up my car, when I looked up at the television and saw the news: there were reports of a shooting in Blacksburg.
I immediately picked up my cell phone and called my best friend to tell her. She went to school fifteen minutes from there, and I wanted her to know something was going down. I had a bad feeling, and I wanted her indoors. She had no idea until I told her...
And within half an hour reports were streaming in: shooting spree at Virginia Tech. Heavy casualties. Swat teams. FBI. Terror. I'd never been so frightened. Tech was my school of choice. Tech is like extended family. Twenty five percent of my high school graduating class went to Tech. And I couldn't get in touch with my friends.
Childhood friends there, on that campus, in the Engineering school. Were they even alive?
It took two days to hear from people. Bizarrely, twenty five percent of the victims were from my home town. So was the shooter. I would unwittingly join three funeral precessions in the next two weeks, simply while driving to work. I would see three roadside memorials near the homes of the dead as I ran errands. I'd find out one of the nicest kids I knew had witnessed two of his friends shot and killed at point blank range right next to him.
Strangely, it feels more like a lifetime since that day. A year seems too short. And I'm still angry. I'm angry that it all had to happen. And I'm patiently waiting for the day I'm out with friends, in another state, in a bar maybe... and I'm waiting for some crass jackass to say something horrible and insensitive and inhuman about the shooting... so I can punch him as hard as I possibly can and spit in his face and let go some of the ghosts of that day.
And I wonder... if I wasn't even there and I have such strong feelings, I can't even imagine what people directly involved feel.
Tuesday, April 1, 2008
So Sorry
Dear Dune,
I wanted to write a post for you. But I've been asleep for five days.
So when I really start to wake up, I'll write you a post about boys being stupid and girls like us having a future.
Really.
I was sleeping.
It was so, so weird.
You have no idea how weird it was.
-Raine
I wanted to write a post for you. But I've been asleep for five days.
So when I really start to wake up, I'll write you a post about boys being stupid and girls like us having a future.
Really.
I was sleeping.
It was so, so weird.
You have no idea how weird it was.
-Raine
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