Secret Sundays

Things I Hate #62

Meat sauce. Why would anyone add meat to tomato sauce?!

I Heard The News Today, Oh Boy....

Just found out a boy I used to hang out with after school in high school died. He was friends with my ex, Colin, and also with my friend, Dex. We would play games in Dex's basement and chill out. I didn't know him well enough to call him a friend, nor did I know him well enough to recognize him on the street. But I remember him. I remember feeling like the responsible adult when we hung out, and I remember how I felt like those boys were my responsibility while we were together. After all, I was two years older than them, and I was always the person who thought of consequences and rationality.

Anyway, he was in a one car accident. His car flipped and he slammed into a pole and live electrical wires were all over the vehicle and it took an hour to shut off power before responders could get into the car and pronounce him dead. There is no idication that he was under the influence of anything, and they are speculating that he might have fallen asleep since it was 4:00 in the morning when it happened. They won't know for sure what killed him until they do an autopsy. I hope it was fast, but I don't know if there is such a thing as an instant death. One second can seem like an eternity...

It reminds me of my friend, Tim, from college. I got a call in October of 2005 from a stranger. He introduced himself and told me he found my number in Tim's phone, and he wanted to let me know that Tim had died four days earlier when a drunk driver slammed into his vehicle on the driver's door as he was driving home late from work, and that it all happened in an instant. Then he got choked up, and told me he was sorry and serivces were the following day in Trenton, and he gave me a time and place and hung up.

I'd barely registered his first sentence.

It was then that it struck me just how quickly things change and how fragile all of my friendships are. So many of the people I care about keep in touch from a long distance, and if that one guy didn't think to call every number listed in Tim's phone I'd never have known what happened to him. I didn't even know he had my number. We mostly kept in touch through email and instant messages.

Anyway, that's that. Dex gave me the news but Colin never said anything to me. I told Dex that if he ever needed me for anything I would always be there for him. He always knew that before, but I wanted to make it clear that the offer still stands. I'm a little sad Colin never told me, but it's understandable.

Hell, I didn't tell anyone about Tim for a month. Not even my parents or brother.

A Letter to a Friend

Dear Jay,

I have the overwhelming need to hop on a plane, track you down, give you a hug, and find words to make things just a bit better for you. I have been thinking about you a lot lately, and this post gives me a little insight as to why.

You and I are on a somewhat parallel path, it seems. And right now we're going through similar thoughts and feelings and road blocks. And though I am also inclined to keep things to myself, I reluctantly recognize that being open with good friends, even only in a moderate amount, is rather liberating.

Just before I read your post I was having a conversation with my mother about discontent with my work and wondering if it was actually well suited for me. And though I am technically an artist, I constantly struggle with wondering if I've sold out or given up - because I'm not the kind of artist I am happy being, and I think to myself that I might be better if I would steer my work towards what I like and what makes me happy and gives me creative fuel. There is little creativity in my current job.

I think spending time with people who make you happy - especially doing new things together, is the easiest and best way to jump start a new direction. On the same day you and Dune went to Spain I had friends over... and they didn't leave my house until Saturday evening. It was a gathering unlike our usual, and in its new feeling it brought me a sense of personal rebirth. I now feel light and refreshed, and though I know all of my problems are the same, I know I have renewed energy to move in a forward direction.

So I hope you come back from Spain as refreshed as I've become. If you feel you can't talk to your friends, know that you can always talk to me. And though I do consider you a friend, it's different when someone is removed from you - when they don't know your other friends, and when they don't see you regularly or take part in your day to day life. If ever you need me I will gladly stay up late or wake up early to chat online, or purchase a calling card and speak directly on the phone. Whatever I can do for you, I'll happily make accommodations.

Your friend,
Raine

Secret Sundays

Wooo!

Greatest freakin' night ever.

Yeah. Ryan was in town for two days and it overlapped with Noruz (Persian New Year). I decided to have a party, and figured it would end up being the usual suspects. What I didn't expect was to have an old friend from my childhood and the extremely cool intern from work join in the festivities.

We ate, we drank, we played Dance Dance Revolution, Guitar Hero I, II, III, Magic the Gathering, set off tons of fireworks, and then did a drinking game to the movie "Monster's Inc."

The night before, we did a drinking game to "Flight of the Living Dead," which turned out to be an amazingly wonderful B Movie spoof of "Snakes on a Plane" that actually had better dialogue and effects than the original movie. Additionally it did a lot of things to differentiate itself and it plainly rocked. I highly suggest it as a party movie.

Also: while I am immensely good with Guitar Hero, I completely fail at DDR. I have no coordination with my feet. Mostly because I mix up the directions of the arrows. However, I found that when I call out the directions verbally I can actually finish songs =)

Later everyone! I have people to hang out with!

Secret Sundays

Big Brother Time!

My brother is in town, and I am wonderfully happy. As far as I'm concerned, he has always walked on water and exhibits the knowledge of a god. And I all but worship the ground he walks on. He's the BEST BROTHER EVER. I mean, I know he has flaws, but I couldn't care less. So long as I get hugs and an arm to latch onto I am happy =)

Gotta go: It's brother time!

Things I Hate #231

Tivo has me trying to rewind and fast forward radio stations while in my car.

Makin' a list, checkin' it twice...

Fingerprints: accomplished
12 Passport Photos: accomplished
Document Notorization: accomplished
Alias: established
Embassy Visit: pending


(The alias is because my dad changed his name when he became a US Citizen, and I'm required to use his original name on my documents.)

Well damn.

Today was a complete washout of a day. Nothing went as planned, and though that's not usually bad, nothing went WELL, either.

The only plus side is that I managed to get down to the Non-Embassy to obtain the papers I need to file (and the list of documents I need to produce) in order to gain dual-citizenship. Wahoo.

Interesting turn of events...

Thanks to Jay I have found a girl who doesn't make me hate her by her mere existence. So I'm going to steal an idea from one of her posts:


7 THINGS ABOUT ME YOU DIDN’T KNOW

(AND PROBABLY DIDN’T WANT TO KNOW)

1. My toes are creepy. All of the nails on my feet are oddly shaped, so I cover my feet at all times.

2. I have a scar on my forehead. I got over twenty stitches before my second birthday - I cracked my scull open while playing.

3. I don't wear makeup. Sorry guys, but I just can't stand the stuff.

4. I have never worn a bra that was the right fit. I've got a large rack, and damnit, it's difficult to get a proper fitting.

5. I have broken three hair brushes. It's long, dark, and thick. Circular brushes tend to snap in two.

6. My ex boyfriend never turned me on when we fooled around. He never told me he loved me (or anything close), and he never really kissed me. Without those two things, I just have no interest in intimacy.

7. Everyone who knows me thinks I'm a judgmental bitch. I can't help it - I have a strong sense of right and wrong and I've never once been wrong when I've judged someone based on looks/actions. I mean... when NO ONE can ever prove you wrong, is it REALLY being judgmental, or just intuitive?

Secret Sundays

When I feel like it, Sundays will show little bits of me. Like this:

T-Shirts Find Friends

Apparently I'm tackling talking to strangers sooner than I expected...

There is a guy who works at the supermarket near where I work, and every time I go in and check out at his register he starts a conversation with me. First it was about his confusion over Ash Wednesday and "why do people have smudges on their heads?" and then it was stuff based on my t-shirts.

Example: Today I wore one of my Decemberist shirts, and he asks me how many members are in the band, and we talk a bit and I turn to go and he says, "Do you know Arcade Fire?" Then he tells me about the ridiculous amount of band members they have, etc...

THEN I go to turn away and he asks if I remember the Decemberists on the Colbert Report and says he can't recall the reason for the Guitar Battle. So I remind him. And he gets another customer and we say goodbye.



I have been out of the "social game" for so long I can't tell if he's just friendly or if he flirts with me. If he is flirting, he's not my type. BUT he's fun to talk to, and it boosts my ego. I think I'll go back more often. Worst case scenario: I get a regular ego boost. Best case: I get a friend.

Gorgeous Weather

It is far too wonderful out for it to be early March, but I am fully enjoying it (as best as I can while working indoors).

Turns out that I completely forgot about a conference held at work today. I volunteered to help like last year, but that was a month ago and NO ONE sent any reminders. Oops? Still, I'm having an amazing hair day, so I can't complain.

My bed has arrived.. or will shortly. I got the delivery confirmation call. Part of me no longer wants it because the mattress alone is so BIG it will look ridiculous... but the other part of me says "FUCK IT! You deserve some completely absurd luxury!" So I'll be arranging a date for delivery shortly =)

I have my trip to see The Captain coming up. Is it horrible that I'm worried he won't like me or will think to himself "my god, she's ugly, how did I ever love her for so long?" I already KNOW I'm not looking to get together with him, as I came to terms with his airhead of a girlfriend months ago... but I would be so sad if it happened that way. It would crush what little confidence I still have in myself. And YES, RM, I know you're going to protest that and "blah blah blah if it's like that he wasn't a real friend anyway."

I wouldn't be sad about the friendship. I'd be sad about my judgement.

In other news, my social life is poor and I've started on a low dose of anti-depressants. So far there's no difference in me, but it's only been a week. I think I've grown too accustomed to my solitude and I need to renew my love of socialization. There are certain friends of mine who I only see when we're in groups, and I've started getting comfortable calling them individually.

Okay, it's ONE friend, but that's a start. Next week I will tackle "making small talk with strangers."

Also I need to play Risk more, because taking over the world on a weekly basis really does provide a boost for your ego.