Tipping Well

Today I went out to lunch.

My bill was something like this:

Total 12.57
Tip 8.43

Total 21.00


That's a 67% tip. Why?

Because the lady in the next booth over was being a loud, pretentious bitch. From the moment I was seated all I heard were complaints.

"This place is never as good as the other location."
"What kind of bread is this? Your other location doesn't serve this!"
"Every time I come to this location the food and service is terrible."
"I can't believe I'm eating this. How can they serve this?"
"My cup [plastic cup] is chipped! Look at this! I could have died!" [yes, she said that]
"Where is the waiter? This service is terrible!" [he'd JUST been at her table]
"Is this even chicken?"
"I want to talk to the manager and complain to the corporate office."

ALL THE WHILE she's having a conversation with a man [I assume her friend] at the table.

"Going to JAPAN? Wow! Isn't that exciting!"
"Don't you want to go to Japan? I do."
"You know they say everything's cheaper in Japan." [wtf?]
"How much does that cost? Are you staying in a 5-star hotel?"
"The Japanese know how to be classy."
"Tokyo is supposed to be amazing."
"The only way to fly is first class. Are you going first class?"
"I would NEVER stay anywhere with less than 4 stars."

ON AND ON AND ON.

I finished my meal at the same time as her. She was telling about the cup that was going to put shards in her stomach and rip out her organs and kill her, and demanding to see the manager. I noticed she already drank her entire soda. I figured she wanted a free meal. I left my tip (paid with credit card) and wrote at the bottom of the signed bill:

"I hope this tip makes up for SOME of what that crazy lady at the next booth is doing."



Then I stood up and took the 2 steps over to her table. She looked about 60 years old. Just as the manager was ALMOST there, I said the following:

"Lady, shut up. Do you realize how loud you are? Do you realize that everyone in this restaurant is praying to god that you shut your trap and quit whining like a child? I'm willing to bet that the people who work here want nothing more than to gag you and throw you out the door, but they can't do that because their jobs depend on being polite, and so far they've been more than kind to you, compensating for every innane complaint you pull out of your ass and sucking up to you as you walk all over them. You are a bitter, pretentious woman. If you hate this place so much you would have driven the 15 minutes to the other location. But you came here, BY CHOICE, on your own free will. And you're fishing for a free meal. So SHUT UP. Being retired doesn't mean you get to make everyone else miserable like you. Take this [I toss a quarter on her table] and buy yourself a life.

[I turn away, take a few steps, and turn back.]

And Japan? It's not that great. I prefer Shanghai over Tokyo."


The whole place was quiet. As I left, I noticed a few people giving me a "thumbs up" in the windows.

Long Time, No Post!

Wow. It's been a while. To give a comprehensive update would require far more typing than I'm willing to do, so here's the rundown:

RYAN AND I are good. While I know she's setting herself up for a major heartbreak, and I'm rather pissed at her for it, we're even closer friends because of all this shit that's been going down. It's been good to get something "normal" to test our friendship with. The two of us are having a great time with the whole "bonding experience," even while we know the subject/cause isn't the greatest.

SHY AND I have not really spoken since the last conversation, but are keeping in touch via text messages and I think maybe one more phone call? We were joking and he said something bad about himself, and I got serious (not stuffy serious, just honest serious) and assured him that I hold him in the highest esteem. I think the fact that we're doing things for each other that shows that we're good friends, coupled with me being secure enough in myself to say things that clearly show how much I value his frienship are all causing him to shy away. But that's just his nature. And I'm okay with it all. I don't mind people shying away so long as they treat me well, and he's done nothing but treat me well.

MY DAD AND I aren't talking. Still. Kind of. He invited everyone to lunch this afternoon (my brother's in town with his girlfriend) and I refused to go... except he didn't know until everyone showed up without me. When he asked where I was, my mom just said, "the roofer came today." I don't think anyone brought it up again. Then he came to the house! Ugh. We exchanged words. I was not polite, but I wasn't rude. I didn't talk to him unless he asked me a direct question.

SPEAKING OF WHICH, when my mom asked what happened before she got home (two cars, so my dad was in the house with me and my brother for 30 minutes before she got in) I told her "I wasn't polite. But I wasn't rude, either."

My brother said, "for you, 'not rude' IS being polite."

Am I generally a rude person? I know I can be mean, and cutthroat, and unleash my wrath and all.. but I don't think I'm RUDE all the time.

It kinda makes me sad.

I'm Singin' In The Rain...

Today was the first time I’d really talked to Shy in almost a month. We’d sent text messages back and forth, but I hadn’t heard his voice and we didn’t have a real conversation.

It felt really good. I’d missed our conversations a lot more than I expected.

We were on the phone for 45 minutes. Initially I called him because I just needed someone to talk to/at about my new insecurities/trust issues with my best friend. I told him upfront that I just didn’t know anyone else I’d call about it. That part of the call lasted about ten minutes.

And then we just started talking… about the Wizard of Oz, and how terrible it is that I haven’t seen it. And about Gene Kelly movies, and how terrible it is that I haven’t seen any of them. And how next time we see each other he wants to bring me required movies to watch.

He was saying that despite being a professional dancer and being okay with wearing tights, Kelly was a man’s man and something to aspire to. This lead to a lengthy and sarcastic tangent about how suave and manly Shy is, and how he gives Mr. Gene Kelly a run for his money. I mean, clearly after watching so many Gene Kelly movies he picked something up, ne? Hahahaahahahaa!!! Oh, if only you knew him.

We agreed that Shy should only ever use an umbrella to imitate the routine from Singing In The Rain. It was the highlight of my day. As corny as it sounds…

What a glorious feeling, I’m happy again =)

Hmm..

Some of my fear about my best friend are coming true, though the circumstances surrounding these events cloud the truth and make it more difficult to pass judgment than it would initially seem.

The first few years of our friendship included every boy I fancied asking Ryan out and bypassing me. Either that, or she’d stick herself in the middle of my friendships with boys I fancied and somehow they’d all end up asking her out on dates. I never blamed Ryan for this very much. Rather, I attributed it to my undesirability.

She’s blonde, blue eyed, fair skinned, a good three inches taller than me… I’m tan, with dark eyes and dark hair and shortness. I was (and partly still am) convinced that fairer girls will always be considered more desirable than girls with an actual skin tone. I know it’s not really true, but my personal experience and observations support the notion. Still, I recognize that my predisposition makes my “objective” observations intrinsically flawed.

TO THE POINT, when I finally did get a boyfriend, I made sure to keep Ryan away from him for months. I wouldn’t even introduce them, because I was sure he’d leave me for her.

Even though she’d never do anything to hurt me, I couldn’t shake the feeling.

Now she’s gone and stolen a guy from another friend of hers. And the circumstances around the whole thing are murkier than a Georgia swamp on a hot summer day. But I keep coming back to the bottom line:

Ryan became fast friends with the boyfriend of a girl she was friends with.
Ryan spent a lot of time with the guy.
The couple eventually broke up.
The girl begged Ryan not to have sex with her recent ex, and whether or not the relationship was really over is questionable.
Within a week Ryan’s gone off on a weekend trip with the guy and has sex with him.

What troubles me is that before this happened, Ryan was a virgin. She said she couldn’t see herself having meaningless hookups, and since she wasn’t in any serious relationships sex just wasn’t an option. She said that as recent as this last month, but somehow she’s okay with sleeping with a guy who is so obsessed with her friend that IMMEDIATELY AFTER they had sex the guy is talking to Ryan about the other girl.



I know it doesn’t make a whole lot of sense while I’m trying to withhold details. But I can’t help but wonder what kind of person sleeps with a friend’s ex… especially so quickly and without remorse, alcohol, or other impairments as factors.

I know she’d never hurt me.

I don’t think I’ll be introducing her to any guys anytime soon.

ANGRY

My best friend called me on the phone tonight, and in the middle of an otherwise normal conversation started to make blatant references that TODAY is the 5th of November. As if I'd know what she meant.

Then she clarified it as a reference to “V for Vendetta.” She was shocked that I've not seen the movie and declared we "have to see it next time we hang out." I explained my distaste for the movie. She started to recite some damned rhyme about the 5th of November. I hung up.

THEN I GOT MAD.

This is what I released upon another friend a few moments later:



I refuse to watch that movie or acknowledge its existence. My distaste for it rivals my distaste for those three movies George Lucas never made.

As a foreword, I haven't seen the film because I refuse to. My reasons are simple: I take my politics seriously, as I take my dystopian societies seriously. I think, from what I've seen/heard/read that the movie goes into no actual depth, preferring to appeal to the masses with lofty, overblown symbolism and blatant references to the current world order while providing no actual commentary or conclusion/solution/lesson. It’s cheesy. It doesn't give any sort of realistic bent to revolution, and trivializes the entire process with visuals that are backed by air alone.

I HATE what that movie spawned.

More fuckin' kids and stupid adults who think they've found some goddamned enlightenment and truth in a weakly portrayed, childish movie that makes light of complicated cultural-political-humanistic issues. They think they know something. They fancy themselves revolutionaries, and scholars, and people of importance. They think they're so intelligent because they "woke up" or whatever the fuck the matrix told them to do years ago and they also blindly followed.

Pretentious philosopher-wannabes.

I liked the first matrix, but I hate the people who took it to heart and decided it was like a gospel. These people like the movie, praise it to all ends because they get a high off feeling like they mean something.

They pretend to be important, and knowledgeable, and rebellious. But they'd never in a million years actually STUDY the politics, social developments, and psychology of mass movements that they CLAIM to have some nirvana like enlightenment about.

The worst part of all is that the very concepts in the movie are flawed to begin with, but not a single one of these “followers” are willing to see that – or admit to it when it’s spelled out in front of them.

They should just put on their little Che t-shirts, camo pants, arm bands, buttons, and whatever else they have that's self important and "radical" and go masturbate until deus ex machina rids the world of tyranny.

Fuckin’ bastards. All of them!

Monday, Monday

So I had an epiphany at work on Monday. Literally. One minute I was using photoshop to edit some pictures I took, and the next I was at a dead stop having realized that I am not mad at The Captain.

Here’s the rundown:

I realized that while we would be a fantastic couple – a couple other people wished they could be – he and I would never make it. We are exactly what both of us want in a person, but we want completely different things out of life. He wants a house on the beach in his home state, bbqs with the neighbors, and just to be happy where he is. I want adventure. I live to travel. I can’t imagine staying in any one place for too long – and if I had a stationary home it would only be a base from which I’d jump to my next destination.

In another life he and I would be a firey, passionate couple. We would be the stuff of legends. We would be an epic novel. But in this life? We are friends.

This thought was so important to me, so revolutionary that I went outside and called him up on the phone to tell him what hit me. I told him that if he was in any way beating himself up for how things have happened, he should stop. His terrible actions were merely a reaction to the bad situation that came out of the possibility of us – a possibility made from both of our unrealistic desires.

So I told him as far as I am concerned, we’re okay. And so long as he starts being my friend again, we can go right back to the way things were and I’ll hold no animosity towards him for the way he’s behaved in the last few months.

The best part is, I meant every word.

It’s strange to be (technically) emotionally available. I think I’m going to wait a bit before I let myself get close to another guy like I did with the Captain, but it’s because I want myself to grow as a person – it’s not because I’m wounded by the experience.

He has been texting me again. Several times a day. I know it’s partly to show that he’s putting an effort into making us normal again, but it’s also because of that phone call. I think there’s a good chance we’ll be okay. I think he needed to hear from me that I really felt okay with everything and that I don’t have some secret distaste for him. I know he was scared when he thought I hated him – which only kept him further away from me. Now?

Now I think we can move forward. And I once again look forward to seeing him in the spring.